Posted on by Nikki Robbins

The Boy with a Broken Identity

Today, I’d like to introduce or reintroduce you to Mephibosheth, the boy with a broken identity. We first meet him in 2 Samuel 4:4 after King Saul and his son Jonathan are both killed in battle. (Jonathan son of Saul had a son who was lame in both feet. He was five years old when the news about Saul and Jonathan came from Jezreel. His nurse picked him up and fled, but as she hurried to leave, he fell and became disabled. His name was Mephibosheth.).

It’s interesting that when we read this verse in English translations, it’s actually a parenthetical phrase rather than an independent verse. It’s basically a side note. Keep that in mind as we dig deeper into his story because I think you’ll discover there’s some significance to this. Our first introduction to him is an afterthought. We see him again in 2 Samuel 9. This time, he gets an entire chapter.

“David asked, ‘Is there anyone still left of the house of Saul to whom I can show kindness for Jonathan’s sake?’ Now there was a servant of Saul’s household named Ziba. They summoned him to appear before David, and the king said to him, ‘Are you Ziba?’ ‘At your service,’ he replied. The king asked, ‘Is there no one still alive from the house of Saul to whom I can show God’s kindness?’ Ziba answered the king, ‘There is still a son of Jonathan; he is lame in both feet.’ ‘Where is he?’ the king asked. Ziba answered, ‘He is at the house of Makir son of Ammiel in Lo Debar.’ So King David had him brought from Lo Debar, from the house of Makir son of Ammiel.”

“When Mephibosheth son of Jonathan, the son of Saul, came to David, he bowed down to pay him honor. David said, ‘Mephibosheth!’ ‘At your service,’ he replied. ‘Don’t be afraid,’ David said to him, ‘for I will surely show you kindness for the sake of your father Jonathan. I will restore to you all the land that belonged to your grandfather Saul, and you will always eat at my table.’ Mephibosheth bowed down and said, ‘What is your servant, that you should notice a dead dog like me?’

“Then the king summoned Ziba, Saul’s steward, and said to him, ‘I have given your master’s grandson everything that belonged to Saul and his family. You and your sons and your servants are to farm the land for him and bring in the crops, so that your master’s grandson may be provided for. And Mephibosheth, grandson of your master, will always eat at my table.’ (Now Ziba had fifteen sons and twenty servants.) Then Ziba said to the king, ‘Your servant will do whatever my lord the king commands his servant to do.’ So Mephibosheth ate at David’s table like one of the king’s sons. Mephibosheth had a young son named Mika, and all the members of Ziba’s household were servants of Mephibosheth. And Mephibosheth lived in Jerusalem, because he always ate at the king’s table; he was lame in both feet.”

The first passage explains what happened to make Mephibosheth lame. His father and grandfather were killed in battle on the same day, and his nurse grabbed him to flee and accidentally dropped him, permanently disabling him. It was common during this period in history for people with disabilities to be considered cursed. We see in the book of Job that blame was even cast on people who were “damaged” because they were thought to have sinned or have a family member who sinned in order to deserve such punishment and scorn. There was a real element of shame associated with brokenness.

King David then enters the picture to inquire about any living relatives of King Saul to whom he can show kindness. You might remember that David and Jonathan, the king’s son, were closer than brothers. This was David’s way of honoring his dear friend. When he asks Ziba, Saul’s servant, about any existing relatives, Ziba mentions Mephibosheth. As he does so, the first thing he says about him is that he’s lame in both feet. He then tells David that Mephibosheth lives in Lo Debar, a ghetto, a sketchy, undesirable place to live. David then has him brought to Jerusalem. When he arrives, David tells him that his land will be restored to him, and he will always eat at the king’s table.

Mephibosheth’s response is heartbreaking. “What is your servant that you should notice a dead dog like me?” Here we have the grandson of a king, royalty, living in a slum and truly believing that he is the equivalent of a dead dog. This is clearly a man with a broken identity.

He was physically maimed by an incident that was in no way his fault. That one accident changed the entire course of his life and robbed him of his true identity. In just one chapter in 2 Samuel, he is referred to as “lame in both feet” twice! That was the label placed on him from childhood.

The name Mephibosheth is translated in English as “shame destroyer” or “image breaker.” This is so beautiful. Before this boy was broken, God knew what was going to happen to him. He knew the shame Mephibosheth would face and the damage that his identity would sustain. Genesis 1:26 explains that we are created in the image of God. Every one of us bears His image, but sometimes things happen to us that cause us to lay down our true identity and pick up a false one in its place. Mephibosheth’s name is symbolic of the breaking of the image he created of himself and the the destruction of the shame that followed him his entire life.

Let’s go back to the first time we meet Mephibosheth as a fatherless, crippled kid who is literally a side note in scripture. Now, fast-forward to the next time when he has his very own chapter. What happened between those two mentions in the Bible?

He was noticed by the king.

There are many different names for God and His attributes, but the one that comes to mind was coined by Hagar in Genesis 16, El Roi, “the God Who sees me.” God saw Mephibosheth and cared so much about him that He prompted the king of Israel to inquire about him. God then gave us an earthly portrayal of His love through David. Just like David restored all the material possessions and servants that rightfully belonged to Mephibosheth, God restores our lives, reversing the power of every wrong that has been done to us. As David noticed Mephibosheth and called him into his true identity, God sees us and reminds us that we are His image bearers, his beloved children, rightful heirs to the kingdom of God. We have authority through Him.

Many of us have been abused and broken by people and different circumstances that were no fault of our own. We’ve allowed brokenness to define us and have forgotten who we are and Whose we are. We’ve surrounded ourselves with so-called friends and family who have continued to speak death and despair into our lives or who haven’t challenged us to get out of the rut.

God sees you.

He wants to restore what was stolen from you and deliver you from the bondage that enslaves you. He loves you and wants you to see yourself as He sees you, His beloved child. The things that have been done to you or that you have done to yourself have been wiped away by His blood. He wants to bring hope and healing, but in order for you to receive your true identity and walk in the authority you have been given, you must break the image others have created for you and lay down the distorted image you have created and have believed about yourself.

Don’t sit in your pain a moment longer. Give it to God. In Psalm 51:17, David says, “My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken spirit and a contrite heart you, God, will not despise.” Did you catch that? God receives a broken spirit as a sacrifice. A broken spirit, different from a broken heart, occurs when someone is completely shattered, losing the will to live. God is the only One Who can put the pieces back together in a way that makes us stronger and lovelier than we were even before we were fractured. He is loving, kind, and trustworthy. Release your grip today and give all your mess to the Father.

Posted on by Nikki Robbins

Who Owns You?

On a recent road trip, the hubs and I were strolling alongside a river when a historical marker caught my eye.  It was situated near a monument honoring African American slaves, and as I read it, tears began to fill my eyes.  In March of 1859, the largest slave auction in the history of our country took place at a race track near Savannah, GA.  Four hundred thirty-six human beings were sold as property over the course of two excruciating days in order to recoup an estimated $700,000 that had been squandered through gambling and poor investments by Pierce Butler.  Butler’s family owned around 900 slaves, and Pierce owned half of them.  Potential buyers at the auction performed various physical examinations on the slaves, even checking their teeth like cattle.  The lowest price paid for one individual was $250, and the highest was $1,750.  The net profits from the entire sale were $303,850.  Families were torn apart, some never to be reunited.  The slaves who were present described the heavens opening up and rain streaming down the entire time until the last slave was sold.  At that precise moment, the rain stopped.  They likened it to God weeping over the atrocity.  These tragic days were aptly named The Weeping Time.  

Let’s travel even farther back in time for a minute.  In Exodus 1-3, we see another group of enslaved people. For 400 years, the Israelites were slaves to the Egyptians.  Exodus 1 tells us that the Egyptians worked them ruthlessly and oppressed them, making their lives bitter.  Even under captivity, the population of the Israelites began to grow, so much so that they eventually filled the entire country.  As you can imagine, this didn’t sit well with the new Pharaoh.  He felt so angry and threatened by them that he called for the extermination of all Hebrew baby boys.  He first ordered the midwives to kill them, but these women feared God and refused to comply.  He then commanded the people to throw every newborn Hebrew boy into the Nile.  The Israelites began to cry out to God for help, and He heard them.  It was during this time that God spared the life of a Hebrew baby named Moses.  Moses grew up to become the one God chose to deliver His people from the bondage of Egypt.  

Can you imagine what it must have been like for entire generations of people to have never experienced freedom?  When they were finally released from captivity, you would have thought the Israelites would have rejoiced and never wanted to look back.  The truth is they never knew anything other than slavery.  They were thrilled to be out of the grip of the Egyptians, but when they faced challenges along the way, they became fearful and untrusting and looked back longingly for security in the only place they thought they had it, in Egypt.  

Fast forward about 1200 years.  The Israelites are in bondage again.  This time, the captor isn’t Egypt.  It’s sin.  It is during this time that God sends a baby boy to deliver His people.  This boy’s name is Jesus.  When Herod, who was king at the time, heard about Jesus, he, too, became angry and felt threatened and commanded that all Hebrew boys two years old and younger be killed.  God warned Jesus’ earthly father in a dream and told him to escape to Egypt to be spared.  Sound familiar?  This baby boy was different, though.  He was fully God and fully man.  He grew up to be the Savior of the entire human race.  

Slavery comes in many different forms.  As disgusting, shameful, and wrong as physical human slavery is, spiritual bondage is far worse.  The Africans that were sold those days in Savannah were physically the possessions of plantation owners, but many of them were free of spirit.  You see, they had radical encounters with the word of God through story telling and songs or spirituals.  They knew that the earthly pain and suffering they endured was temporary compared to the eternal life and freedom that awaited them.  No human was able to take that away from them.  Many of us willingly live in spiritual captivity.  We’re enslaved by sin.  Just as the Georgia rain poured down for two days that March and appeared to be a metaphor for God’s tears, it breaks God’s heart to see us living in bondage to something for which He already paid the ultimate price.  He already bought us back with His precious blood and redeemed us.  He even calls us by name because we are His. 

Paul describes this form of slavery in Romans 6:14-23.

“For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace. What then? Shall we sin because we are not under the law but under grace?  By no means! Don’t you know that when you offer yourselves to someone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one you obey—whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness?  But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you have come to obey from your heart the pattern of teaching that has now claimed your allegiance.  You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness. I am using an example from everyday life because of your human limitations.  Just as you used to offer yourselves as slaves to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer yourselves as slaves to righteousness leading to holiness.  When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness.  What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of?  Those things result in death!  But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life.  For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

As I hinted earlier with the example of the enslaved Africans not allowing their masters to own their spirits, Paul explains that, unlike physical slavery, spiritual enslavement is voluntary.  It’s a choice we make.  We’re either slaves to sin or slaves to righteousness.  He also says that we are slaves to what we obey.  When we serve sin, we reap shame and death, but when we serve righteousness and obedience, we reap holiness and eternal life.

What are you a slave to today?  Is it sin, unforgiveness, bitterness, addiction, fear, the approval of others, sickness, money, your job, materialism?  Whatever or whoever your master is, God wants to set you free.  Just as the Children of Israel longed for the false security they thought they felt in Egypt, our flesh will try to draw us back into old habits that are toxic and destructive to our spirits, minds, and bodies.  There’s comfort in familiarity.  But Paul reminds us, “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.  Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” Galatians 5:1. It must be common for people to be drawn back into their old, captive ways or Paul wouldn’t have had to issue this warning.  There is such hope and joy in freedom!  If you need to be delivered from bondage today, ask God to forgive you and to give you the freedom you desire and so desperately need.  

Posted on by Nikki Robbins

Just Say, “Yes!”

It’s amazing how saying “yes” to God just once can alter the course of one’s life.  A few years ago, a dear friend asked me to lead a FB live devotional for our church.  To be completely honest, my first thought was, “How can I get out of this?”  It wasn’t because I didn’t want to but because I was terrified.  I didn’t think I was able to do something like that.  Unfortunately, I often grossly underestimate myself and what I’m capable of doing.  If I’m being transparent, it’s probably linked to a sense of inadequacy and a fear of failure.  Anyway, after days of contemplation, I decided to push past the fear this time and do it, and that simple act of obedience was a catalyst of change for me.  

Growing up, I was considered a scaredy cat by most of my friends and family.  I was the level-headed kid who always calculated risks and considered the long-term consequences of my actions.  As a result, I HATE scary rides and refuse to ride them (except for the one time I caved to peer pressure and rode The Master Blaster at Schlitterbahn, a Texas amusement park.  That solidly confirmed my disdain for thrill rides).  Fast forward a few years to the fall after I said “yes” to the FB live.  We were on a family trip to Disney World, and I had reluctantly booked us FastPasses to the Seven Dwarfs Mine Train.  I know what you’re thinking.  The Seven Dwarfs Mine Train?  Yep.  We had FastPasses to ride this on a previous trip, but I chickened out at the last minute and couldn’t get on.  This time, I felt empowered to try it since it was going to be my year of stepping out of my comfort zone.  You would’ve thought I was riding the Rockin’ Roller Coaster by the way I screamed and white knuckled it.  Looking at the photo afterward, you can see my face buried in my hubby’s chest.  Friends have seen the photo and laughed hysterically at my reaction to what they consider a kiddie coaster.  That’s okay.  To me, this was the real deal, and I finally scraped up the nerve to ride it.  After the fear wore off, guess what?  I actually LIKED it!  In fact, I liked it so much that we rode it again!  That night God gently started revealing to me how much of my life has been controlled by fear.

I’m a pharmacist and have only ever known pharmacy as a career from clerk to tech to intern to pharmacist…well, you get the picture.  For a few years, I had been wanting to leave the medical field but didn’t have a way out.  I prayed fervently for God to make a way for this to happen.  Two years ago, I finally heard God say it was time.  He provided a way out for me.  After all those years of longing and praying, my answer had finally come!  I was ecstatic, but then fear began to creep in again.  After 23 years in the only career I’d ever known, I turned in my notice at work and was left wondering “What next?” followed by “What have I done?  I don’t know how to do anything else nor am I qualified.”  Again, I pushed past the fear, took a leap of faith, and did the most logical thing I could think of…I started a cabinet business!  Ha!  These past couple years have been a crazy, fun ride with a steep learning curve, but I wouldn’t change a thing.  When I look back, I’m in awe of the perfection of God’s timing in answering my prayers.  A few weeks after leaving pharmacy, the world was headed into a global pandemic.  My new job allowed me to work from home and homeschool our 3 boys, something I could’ve never done with my previous job.  

That same year, I finally had the courage to lead a small group at our church, something I had always longed to do but didn’t feel equipped.  It was such a rewarding experience, and beautiful, new friendships blossomed from it.  Last year, our younger two boys started back at school, and we decided it would be best if I homeschooled our oldest son, something I said I could never do because I felt inadequate to teach a child with special needs. 

Recently, the same dear friend who asked me to do the FB live devotional encouraged me to start a blog.  Once again, I thought, “Yeah, that’s not going to happen.  I have zero experience and wouldn’t even know where to start.”  Sooooo, here I am, stretching WAY past my comfort zone and saying, “Yes!”  And here YOU are reading the byproduct of my response!

Do you see a trend?  Every time I’ve said I couldn’t do something, God has said, “Through Me and with My strength, you can do anything!”  So now when my mind reverts to the automatic default of fear and feelings of inadequacy, I remember Philippians 4:13. “I can do ALL things through Christ Who strengthens me.”  It may sound crazy, but the more I say “yes,” the easier it becomes.  God has changed me over the past year and a half.  He has given me His confidence, and I’m not the same person I was.  To be clear, it’s not SELF confidence because it’s not about me.  It’s all about Him and is always going to be about Him.

Can you imagine all the wonderful adventures, relationships, and personal growth I would have forfeited if I had continued to live in fear and said “no” to all these God-given opportunities?  What is God asking you to do today?  Be honest with yourself and stop ignoring that little tug in your spirit.  Take the time to really examine your heart and ask God to show you any areas of resistance.  Whatever He is asking you to do, big or small, step out of your comfort zone and say “Yes!” today.  It’s not always about what He’s asking you to do as much as it is about your response.  That single act of obedience will change your heart and mind and will send you on a path that far exceeds your expectations.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my first blog post.  I hope we can chat again soon.  If you decide to say “yes” to something God is calling you to do, I’d love to hear about it.  Leave a little note so I can celebrate with you!  You are loved.  You are seen, and you are known.

Posted on by Nikki Robbins

Welcome

Hi!  My name is Nikki, and I’m a wife, mom to 3 boys, legal drug dealer, cabinet queen, and passionate follower of Jesus. Welcome to my tiny corner of the internet.  I hope you feel welcomed, inspired, challenged, and encouraged each time you visit.  As the name of my blog implies, I happily admit that I don’t have all the answers.  My life and family are far from perfect but are full of love, hope, and joy.  Thanks for stopping by, and I hope you’ll visit again soon!